Quotes by Comedian and Actress Mae West

Quotes by Comedian and Actress Mae West Mae West was best known as a comedian and actress whose bawdy plays and movies were full of double entendres and attracted the attention of industry censors. Less well known is her role as writer in many productions. Her film career- mainly at Paramount in the 1930s- seemed to stop in 1943, but she returned in the 1970s for cult classic Myra Breckinridge and Sextette. Selected Mae West Quotations I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it. If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning. I wrote the story myself. Its all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it. When Im good, Im very good. When Im bad, Im better. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. Its hard to be funny when you have to be clean. Im a woman of very few words, but lots of action. I generally avoid temptation unless I cant resist it. It isnt what I do, but how I do it. It isnt what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it. Ill try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one Ive never tried before. Marriage is a great institution, but Im not ready for an institution yet. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Why dont you come on up and see me sometime- when Ive got nothin on but the radio. Why dont you come up sometime and see me? Im home every evening. Come up. Ill tell your fortune. Ah, you can be had. Lifes just a merry-go-round. Come on up. You might get a brass ring. Shes the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. When women go wrong, men go right after them. There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out. Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? It is better to be looked over than overlooked. Keep a diary, and someday itll keep you. To err is human, but it feels divine. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. Ive been rich and Ive been poor. Believe me, rich is better. Sex is emotion in motion. Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office. Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often. I like my clothes to be tight enough to show Im a woman, but loose enough to show Im a lady. Youre never too old to become younger. I like restraint, if it doesnt go too far. Im the lady who works at Paramount all day... and Fox all night. I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. A dame that knows the ropes isnt likely to get tied up. Love thy neighbor- and if he happens to be tall, debonair, and devastating, it will be that much easier. Its all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as hes perfect. Its not the men in my life that count, its the life in my men. Every man I meet wants to protect me. I cant figure out what from. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book. A hard man is good to find. Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, Im tired. Give a man a free hand and hell run it all over you. A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him. An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. Dont keep a man guessing too long- hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Look your best- who said love is blind? Flattery will get you everywhere. Ive been things and seen places. Im no angel, but Ive spread my wings a bit. The score never interested me, only the game. Men are my hobby. If I ever got married Id have to give it up. So many men... so little time. I only like two kinds of men- domestic and imported. I only have yes men around me. Who needs no men? Save a boyfriend for a rainy day- and another, in case it doesnt rain. Some men are all right in their place- if they only knew the right places! I like a man whos good, but not too good... for the good die young, and I hate a dead one. I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time. Men are easy to get but hard to keep. Men? Sure, Ive known lots of them. But I never found one I liked well enough to marry. Besides, Ive always been busy with my work. Marriage is a career in itself and to make a success of it youve got to keep working at it. So until I can give the proper amount of time to marriage, Ill stay single. His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork. Hes the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Dont marry a man to reform him. Thats what reform schools are for. Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring. It takes two to get one in trouble. Too many girls follow the line of least resistance, but a good line is hard to resist. Good women are no fun. The only good woman I can recall in history was  Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag. Good sex is like good Bridge. If you dont have a good partner, youd better have a good hand. Diamonds is my career. When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. No gold-digging for me. I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday. You can do what you want, but saving love doesnt bring any interest. Any time you got nothing to do and lots of time to do it, come on up. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. Kiss and make up- but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss. Brains are an asset to the woman in love whos smart enough to hide em. Some women pick men to marry- and others pick them to pieces. Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. Let men see whats coming to them, and women will get whats coming to them. Cultivate your curves- they may be dangerous but they wont be avoided. I didnt discover curves; I only uncovered them. The curve is more powerful than the sword. Ive been in more laps than a napkin. Id like to see Paris before I die. Philadelphia will do. I see youre a man with ideals. I better be going before youve still got them. Women with pasts interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself. Dont ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays. Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things theyre doing and saying in films right now just shouldnt be allowed. Theres no dignity anymore and I think thats very important. The best way to behave is to misbehave. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. Quote collection assembled by Jone Johnson Lewis. Each quotation page in this collection and the entire collection  © Jone Johnson Lewis. This is an informal collection assembled over many years. I regret that I am not be able to provide the original source if it is not listed with the quote.